


Food of the Gods

by whitchry9



Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Drabble, Fluff, Gen, Humour, Pizza
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-09
Updated: 2014-08-09
Packaged: 2018-02-12 11:33:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,862
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2108301
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/whitchry9/pseuds/whitchry9
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The Avengers go out for pizza.<br/>It goes about as well that anything else does.<br/>(It's a disaster.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Food of the Gods

“C'mon losers, we're going out for a team dinner.”

Tony announced this, standing in the doorway to the living room, where everyone else was currently sprawled across various furniture.

“Ungh,” Bruce said, his face smashed into a pillow.

“I agree,” Thor rumbled.

Clint perked up. “Allspeak can't possibly translate that,” he complained.

“It did not,” Thor agreed. “But I understand the sentiment behind it. Friend Banner is tired, as we all are.”

Even Natasha agreed. “Water things,” she muttered, spitting out something in Russian that was no doubt a curse.

“Yes,” Tony said. “But now everyone has to be hungry, right? So we're going out to eat. Come on people. Look presentable. I honestly don't care what you wear, as long as it's clean and covers your bathing suit areas, and no Thor, you can not go nude, I don't care if you don't wear a bathing suit. Pants or bust. Go forth!” he bellowed. “You will not be getting out of this. Besides, _pizza._ ”

The team perked up at that.

“Pizza?” Steve asked hopefully. “All you can eat?”

Tony nodded.

That seemed to do the trick, since the team dispersed to get dressed, and reappeared within ten minutes.

 

* * *

 

When they arrived in the restaurant, the six of them presented a formidable group. (They'd invited others, Pepper, Coulson, Rhodey since he was in town, but had been declined on all fronts.)

The server managed not to cry at the sight of them, which was a nice change. Of course, Clint had talked Thor out of wearing his armour and bringing Mjolnir along, which was probably the reason no tears were shed yet. Even the assassins didn't have any visible weapons. Tony was making that distinction clear, because he was absolutely certain they both had weapons on them.

 

“Six?” he stammered.

Steve nodded, smiling politely. “Yes please.”

“For the buffet?”

Tony cut in. “Yup. Love ourselves a buffet.”

The man (teenager really) eyed Tony for a minute, probably trying to place why he was so familiar, but gave up. “Follow me,” he sighed.

He led them to a corner that held two tables, suitable for seating eight. The six of them would take up the space of eight, so it was perfect.

 

Their server appeared. “Hello, I'm Kelly. I'll be taking care of you tonight. Can I get you drinks?” she asked, glancing between them all.

“Mead!” Thor declared.

Tony sighed. “Big guy, we've been over this. They don't have mead at most places. He'll take a coke, and another coke for me.”

“Lemonade,” Clint added.

“Iced tea,” Tasha chimed in.

“Milk,” Steve muttered.

“Water please,” Bruce sighed.

She nodded and flipped her small notepad shut. “Will this be on one bill?”

Tony nodded. “Absolutely.”

She smiled at them. “Alright. I'll bring the drinks shortly, and you can help yourselves to the buffet table.”

 

It was perhaps the wrong things to say, since Thor immediately jumped up. Bruce glanced between the others, and wearily got up to join him.

The others could hear him explaining to Thor how it worked.

“No, no, just take one plate for now. You can come back for more. That's the whole point.”

Clint held back a snicker as Natasha kneed him in the side.

 

They returned each with one plate, Bruce's containing a single slice of pepperoni pizza and salad, and Thor's containing... well, everything.

“They don't have cheese,” Bruce sighed.

Tony perked up at that. “Want me to complain?” he asked. “I can do that. I'm very good at doing that. Not having vegetarian options is practically criminal in this day and age.”

Bruce smiled slightly, but shook his head. “No, they do have veggie pizzas, but I just don't like vegetables on my pizza. They tend to get mushy.”

Tony shrugged. “Let me know if you change your mind,” he told him, before getting up and sauntering off to the buffet, Clint on his heels, Natasha not far behind.

 

By the time they got back to the table with their plates, Thor had finished working his way through the top layer, and their drinks had been delivered. With their arrival, Steve finally left to get himself a plate.

Tony had loaded his plate with dessert items, cinnamon bites, dessert pizza, and of course, bread sticks.

Thor seemed to be thoroughly enjoying the food.

“These tiny cinnamon bites are most marvellous!” Thor exclaimed.

“They are delicious,” Tony agreed, shoving two into his mouth.

Steve appeared back at the table with a small mountain of bread sticks on one plate, another plate heaped full of caesar salad, and a third balanced on his arm that contained a slice of each kind of pizza. Tony admired his juggling act, but knew it was largely due to the super soldier serum giving him incredible balancing skills. He watched as Steve dug into the bread sticks eagerly, and grinned. It was always worth taking him and Thor out to buffets.

Not that everyone else didn't eat their share, since Bruce could really eat if he was coming down from a Hulk bender (which he was), and Clint still ate like a teenaged boy, but at least Tony and Natasha ate normal, human sized, amounts.

Not that he was going to mention it to her of course.

Natasha had a plate piled full of one of everything to try. She'd managed to snag the last piece of pepperoni out from under Thor's large hand, who had looked slightly disappointed.

He did agree that the fair maiden could have that piece, since he'd already eaten three.

Thor declared the dessert pizza being worthy of Valhalla, and decided he needed to eat even more savoury food, to make the sweet that much sweeter, which led to him making yet another trip.

Tony waved him on with an amused glance.

 

Apparently they didn't have any left of what Thor wanted, which made sense considered Steve had just been up there, which explained why Thor was standing patiently in front of the buffet line, waiting for another pepperoni pizza to be brought out.

When the server appeared with it, she seemed shocked by the large man who beamed at her.

“Thank you kind madam.” He grabbed a plate and scooped most of the pizza onto it, frowning when the balance became precarious. He considered grabbing another plate, but decided against it.

The woman watched as he walked away, two pieces of the pizza still left on the serving platter.

She sighed, resigned, and went back to the kitchen.

 

Tony soon grew tired of his bread sticks, pasta, and pizza, and yes, even the cinnamon bites.

He groaned. “I'm stuffed. How are you still eating?” he asked, eyeing, well, everyone except for Natasha, who'd also finished, albeit far before she got to the levels of stuffed that Tony was at.

“Metabolism,” Steve said with a shrug.

“Practice,” Thor declared cheerfully.

“Hulk,” Bruce said simply.

Clint didn't answer, as his mouth was full of pasta, and that seemed explanation enough. Barton really was still a teenage boy.

 

Thor's cup had long been emptied, and when the server came by to remove plates, she asked him if he'd like a refill. Since he'd learned that throwing cups on the floor and declaring ANOTHER was not an appropriate way to ask for another beverage, he simply beamed and nodded at her, holding out his cup.

 

He downed that cup in moments, forgoing the straw altogether. When the waitress didn't appear immediately, he set off, with his cup, Tony feared to find some sort of drink machine and discuss its terms of surrender.

Tony trailed after him when Thor stepped behind the counter and into the kitchen.

“Whoa Thor, nope, you can not go in the kitchen, your hair alone is like a huge health violation. Just come back and we can get Kelly to fill your cup up again for you.”

“Nay, it is no bother. I can do it myself,” Thor declared, examining the drink dispensing machine.

“I know you can, but it's her job. You don't want to make her out of a job, right?” Tony said desperately.

“Can I help you?” the teenager who'd seated them when they arrived asked.

Tony spun around. “Sorry, we were just leaving. He wanted a refill for his drink, and apparently Kelly wasn't going fast enough for him.”

Kelly appeared behind the teenager, looking slightly heartbroken.

“I'm sorry sir,” she said earnestly, but Tony was damn sure that Thor wasn't listening, given the exclamation from behind him, and the distinctive sound of breaking machinery.

He winced, but didn't turn around to see what Thor had broken. “I can pay for that,” Tony assured them, but they didn't look relieved.

There was another crash behind them.

“And that,” he added, without so much as blinking.

He flashed them a winning Stark smile, and turned to head back to their tables. Thor trailed behind him dejectedly, his cup still empty.

“I am sorry for the loss of your beverage machine,” he told the two solemnly.

Tony tried to not laugh or cry, since he wasn't sure which one would come out if he opened his mouth.

 

The other Avengers were still sitting around their tables, dirty plates piled high. The servers seemed slightly hesitant of coming by their table to remove plates, and considering what Thor had just done, Tony didn't blame them.

 

“I honestly don't know why I come out in public with all of you,” Natasha noted, sitting calmly amidst all the destruction.

“You love us?” Clint offered.

She blinked once. Slowly.

“Stark pays?” he corrected.

Natasha only blinked again, and Clint chose to concede he lost that conversation. How he could lose, he wasn't sure, but it certainly felt like it. He shovelled another forkful of noodles into his mouth to cover the sudden silence.

 

It was another half hour before Steve and Thor finally stopped eating. Bruce and Clint had finish a while back, Clint looked slightly nauseated. Tony wasn't surprised considering the sheer volume of noodles he'd managed to inhale. It was an amount worthy of Thor.

Bruce had finished picking through his pepperoni pizza, the pepperonis carefully removed and discarded (to Thor, who was delighted to have them), and his newly appointed cheese pizza eaten. Bruce seemed quite partial to the dessert pizza as well.

“It even has fruit,” he pointed out. “I'm trying to get all my food groups in.”

Natasha blinked at him, and he blushed.

“It's also delicious,” he muttered.

Natasha rewarded his truth with a tiny smile.

 

* * *

 

All in all, dinner wasn't a complete failure. They were all still alive at the end, minimal therapy would be required for the servers and waitresses, and Tony hadn't even had to throw that much money at the restaurant to keep them from suing.

They were told, in no uncertain terms, to never step foot in the building again, but that was typical when the Avengers went out to eat.

All in all, a success.

Which was what he told them, right before Clint threw up an enormous amount of noodles.

Natasha sighed.

“I'm not bringing you next time,” Tony told him.

Clint only groaned.

 


End file.
